We have seen countless talks about building one’s self-confidence, read numerous blogs about boosting self-esteem, and pep talks about self-assurance. Usually, the bottom line of these resources is that it’s simple and easy to do.
However, having confidence does not happen overnight and, more importantly, does not happen by merely tackling the fruits. It takes nipping bad habits in the bud and getting to the root of the problem. In other words, it goes beyond the superficial aspects. You can go online shopping for a face toner and other beauty products or memorize lines to look smart, but you have to go deeper.
Take care of yourself
Perhaps there’s some truth in the saying if you look good, you’ll feel good. When you go out and you think you look your best, you have a radiant aura that attracts people. So, how do you take care of yourself?
Start by staying healthy. Eat right and exercise regularly. Nothing kills your confidence more than a shirt that makes you look like you ate a week’s worth of food in one sitting. Another benefit of exercising is it relaxes your mind and energizes your body.
Have a regular me-time. The hustle and bustle of modern life usually force us to lose time for everything but our jobs that we forget to take care of ourselves. So, schedule time only for yourself at least once a week. You may eat out, watch movies, play your favorite sports, or do anything that makes you happy.
Tell yourself how amazing you are. People mistake this for being arrogant, but, in reality, you are just stating facts, which you might have probably forgotten already in fear of sounding too egoistic. Take the time to focus on your accomplishments instead of failures. Zeroing in on the negative things will do no good. Again, this is not an overnight process. You need to do this every day until it becomes your habit.
A business coach says that gaining confidence starts by being competent. You must be really good at what you do that doing it becomes a walk in the park for you. But how can you become competent?
First, stop wishing you were this and that. Rather, start being this and that. If you want to be a good golfer, you can’t watch Tiger Woods hit that golf ball every day without going to the driving range and hitting the ball yourself. It’s good to know the theories, but don’t forget to practice what you learned.
Next, stop beating yourself up. There’s no use blaming yourself (or anyone else) for what’s happening now. If you wish you knew how to play the piano but were too poor for a piano lesson, it’s either you stop fretting about it and move on or teach yourself how to do it in your spare time. Overcome the fear of “not making it.” There’s only one way to find out, and that is to try.
Lastly, ask for expert’s advice. If you’ve been practicing your skills but don’t seem to be getting where you need to be, ask for help from the experienced ones. Their unbiased opinions will help you be on the right track.
Stop worrying about what other people think
A big part of our confidence level is affected by what society thinks because as humans, we want to be liked, says Gary Trosclair, a psychotherapist. We need a sense of belongingness; otherwise, our mental health would suffer.
But seeking other people’s approval to the point of forgetting who you really are is dangerous. Trosclair notes that it may lead to anxiety and depression. Once you are anxious or depressed, your sense of self is affected as well.
What you can do is control your mind. Always remember that not everyone will like you. You could be the richest person in the world and still have haters. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can find people who can appreciate you for who you are. This group will help you develop your self-esteem without compromising your true identity.
Developing confidence takes more time and effort than what we’ve been told. It requires years of making yourself feel good, honing your skills, and controlling your mind. But no matter how long it takes, one thing is for sure: it is possible.