If your shyness holds you back from dating, don’t feel hopeless. Shyness is a trait you can resolve, but it isn’t necessarily a weakness, either. Shy people can also mingle with extroverts and belong in multiple social circles. What’s more, some people actually find shyness attractive.
However, if your shyness affects your quality of life, work, and daily interactions, consider if you might have a social anxiety disorder (SAD). Many people mistake SAD for extreme shyness, so those who have it fail to get help. SAD usually starts in childhood, and only 50% of adults get treated for it. But they had waited a long time—about 15 years—before doing so.
But whether you’re just shy or suffering from SAD, neither makes you any less attractive. Your introversion isn’t a disease that extroverts should cure. On the other hand, SAD has effective treatments that will allow you to face the world more confidently within months.
So don’t be hard on yourself if your awkwardness with new people affects your dating life. These things about you make you more charming and attractive:
You Are Modest
Your shyness makes you timid about your accomplishments and unique qualities. This modesty is attractive for many people. You probably shrink from compliments or shrug off your positive attributes as if they’re no big deal. This behavior makes you charming, as long as it’s in healthy doses, of course.
If you bravely decided to hire the services of a professional matchmaker to find you a date, your matches can find your modesty a green flag. Believe it or not, not all elite singles boast about their success to snag a partner. When looking for that special someone, they seek the one who will look beneath their facade. So if a matchmaker sets you up on a date, chances are it’s with someone who appreciates qualities more important than money, job titles, and achievements. And that’s none other than you.
You Choose Your Friends and Significant Other Wisely
Since you don’t just bond with anyone who asks you to hang out, you keep your circles small. You have a tight-knit group of friends, and you share common values, morals, interests, and perhaps a background, too. This can be an advantage when you’re looking for a date. You know exactly what you want in a person, so you won’t settle for someone who doesn’t meet your standards.
However, having high or strict standards can also make dating almost impossible for you. Luckily, you have dating apps or a professional matchmaker to help you. If you use a dating app, the chats can help you since your shyness makes you more eloquent in writing than speaking. If you hire a matchmaker, your shyness can affect your dates, but you’ll be paired up with someone who passes your standards. Thus, you’ll loosen up easily and have a good time.
You Think Before You Act
One of the many advantages of being shy is you’re less likely to act on your impulses. You think before you act, allowing you to plan for the unexpected, avoid unnecessary conflict, and set long-term goals.
These are attractive qualities in a mate. It shows your seriousness in the relationship and your commitment to keeping things harmonious between you and your partner. If you notice a behavior from your partner that you don’t like, you don’t start a fight. Instead, you probably try to see things from their perspective first. Then you calmly talk about the issue and resolve it without hurting their feelings.
However, there are also limits you must observe when thinking before acting. Overthinking can make you miss out on opportunities. Sometimes, it’s wiser just to take the leap than constantly worry about the height from which you’ll jump. The quote “when it feels scary to jump, that’s exactly when you jump” should also apply to your life from time to time.
You Are a Good Listener
Your shyness makes you less likely to lead conversations, so you listen more than you talk. As a result, you developed listening skills, which your friends certainly love about you. Your future partner will also be grateful for this quality of yours.
What’s more, you don’t listen just to gather information. Instead, you listen, intending to understand the other person. You may not always have advice to offer, but your listening ears and comforting presence are enough. It’s rare to find someone like you, so your dates will probably get competitive with each other to win your heart.
So don’t think of your shyness as a flaw. It may not always give you the best experiences, but it makes you a deeper and more sensible person. If you need help to overcome it, don’t hesitate to approach a behavioral therapist. They’ll listen to you without judging, a behavior you also happily extend to others.